Love Will Tear Us Apart.

Okkk. So this is what i wrote while i was appearing offline, and i was figuring out what to say to aiden.

We argued about aiden dying his hair. we fight over the littlest things.. But it might be a big problem for him. so i didnt say it was something little.
Its one of those little thing couples fight over.
It was a heated moment.

Okayy. So this is what ive got to say.

I just want to let you know.

First of all.

I LOVE YOU.

I love you with all my heart and soul.

I love you so much I cannot find something to say more then “I love you”

I can only show you.

Second of all.

I hate it when we argue.

Because it’s the least thing I want most in our relationship.

It kills me when I know your hurting.

If you need to talk to someone.

Talk to me. Even if were not as strong.

Im always there, I want to let you know I care even if I’ve got nothing to say.

Third of all.

You are my world.

I know we would die for each other.

So why are we letting things get to us so easily?

I have realised we have argued 3 times this week.

And its upsetting.

I hate it when its like this. It makes me feel down.

But its something we cant avoid. Because those are the consequences we face in relationships, all we can do is stick together and overcome them.

I know it sounds majorly lame. But that’s whats on my mind.

I LOVE YOU,

TILL AN IMMORTAL MAN DIES.

Sometimes i thank MSN for being invented and sometimes i wish someone killed MSN.
The convo where we calmed down. and in the progress of making up.

not here says:
ive read it more then like alot of times and i still dont know what i should say
not here says:
in a good way tho
LENNY. ♥ -Every Darkness I'll Shine Through. says:
hey sorry.
LENNY. ♥ -Every Darkness I'll Shine Through. says:
yeah. so it was just hard at moments.. But i know we can make it.
not here says:
im scared ur gna leave me
LENNY. ♥ -Every Darkness I'll Shine Through. says:
:o *hug*aww babe. I would never.
LENNY. ♥ -Every Darkness I'll Shine Through. says:
Im was afraid your going to leave me.
not here says:
i would never. honestly "without you is something that i could never do"
not here says:
i love you so much, youve become a part of me now, and im just so scared of loosing you
LENNY. ♥ -Every Darkness I'll Shine Through. says:
my biggest fear would be loosing you. "I wont give in, i cant give up on this love" Im going to hold on to you so tight, and never let you go cause i can possibly not live without you.
LENNY. ♥ -Every Darkness I'll Shine Through. says:
You are so special, and i feel like the luckiest girl on the earth, to know i have your heart. You've won me over from the moment we kissed. "You know i love you i really do"
not here says:
heleny im speechless i cant find anywords to reply to that.
LENNY. ♥ -Every Darkness I'll Shine Through. says:
You dont have to say anything, Just know that you mean the world to me (L)
not here says:
i no, and you no you mean the same back to me right?
LENNY. ♥ -Every Darkness I'll Shine Through. says:
yes
LENNY. ♥ -Every Darkness I'll Shine Through. says:
i know
not here says:
im sorry i cant think of anything good to say
LENNY. ♥ -Every Darkness I'll Shine Through. says:
no its okay.
not here says:
...............................
not here says:
i cant think
not here says:
seriously im just staring at the computer screen
not here says:
and nothings coming to mind to say to measure up to what u jst said to me

So his afraid of me leaving him.
Im so afraid of him leaving me.
i promised him i would never leave him
Seeing as promises mean alot to him.
Its a scary thought to have to say goodbye to him.
I can never possibly do that.
Its upsetting to even think about it.

Sometimes love can be an ugly thing..
You have to face the consequences that comes packed in a box with love.
You've never been in love, till youve been hurt.
Loves a bitch.


Goodbye & Goodnight.
xxxxx
♥
Lenny

It hurts....

IT FUCKING HURTS TO HEAR YOU SAY YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.


IT FUCKING HURTS THAT YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME FEEL LIKE SHIT. AND IVE DONE ALL THE WRONG IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.


IT FUCKING HURTS YOU DONT BELIEVE ME THAT I WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON YOU.


IT FUCKING HURTS THAT YOU CAN MAKE ME CRY.


IT FUCKING HURTS WHEN IM ON THE VERGE ON BREAKING DOWN AND SCREAMING MY HEART OUT.




ALL BECAUSE OF YOU.

Why are you like this? Tell me. Theres a reason why im here.

I need something to take my mind off things. Here are some more pics & Icons.







YEAHHHHH.
I really just feel like shit.
His such an asshole sometimes.

Your Face Down Now.

Currently listening to:
Hope Dies Last-I Belong To The Skies
"She said I'll never give you a chance
This is just another heartache"

Okks so ive calmed down alot today.. + yesterday.
Me and Aiden are fine now :) We've cooled down.. and yeahh i hope we never bring up those subjects ever again.

yesterday i spent the whole day watching The Oc Season 3..
I was so bored.. so yeah just came home from school and watched it..
Goddam how i wish i lived in Orange County.
The Beach, the boys, the schools WITH LOCKERS.
loll
And yeahh just kept watching The Oc till 11. Then went to bed.

Today however..
Was another ok day.... Drama was good. still continued with our rag dolls.
:) Arts in the Dark..
NEXT WEDNESDAY AT 7PM. (i think) IN THE G BLOCK AREA.
Buy tickets!
Theme: Romeo & Juliet

Soooo yeah :) thats that. My whole day was quite boringg. I came home from schoool and mum asked what i wanted to eat? and i felt like Pizza soo yeah we had that :)
Now im blogging on a full stomach.. with the aftertaste of Pizza and Pepsi in my mouth.

what are you guys up too?
im totally bored and dunno what to do.
Anyone want to recomment me some sites??
lol
Ohhh and what did you think of my "A pictures worth a thousand words" blogg.
You like? Tell me if you do, and i'll have some blogs dedicated to the loved ones ;]]]]]]]
haha yeahh im a bit tired.... Uhh
Anyways over and OUT!

xxxxxxxxxx
Goodbye&Goodnight
♥

Lenny

A piece of me slipped away.

THIS FUCKING HURTS LIKE HELL.

LOVE HURTS.

IT KILLS APART OF YOU.

MAKES YOU CRY DAY&NIGHT.

WHENEVER YOU FIGHT.

A PICTURES WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS

Yeahhh.
Soo im just in the mood for posting icons & Pics
Deal with me!
ENJOOOOOYYY.






Anywayyyyyyyyyyyyy thats enough for today.
Hope you guys like it!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Goodbye & Goodnight
♥
Lennny.

Venting my emotions.

A minute does not go by that i do not think about you.
Never doubt that i dont care.
I always will and im always there.
It hurts to hear you ask
"Do you really give a fuck?"
what makes you think i dont?
You have no idea how much i love you.
Why are we always argueing?
I hate it when we do
its frustrating and it feels like were drifting apart too
please dont leave me.
I need you .
But your probably thinking
"DO YOU FUCKING NEED ME?"
You say i give up to easily.
I dont ask because you say its not important.
so what do you expect me to do?
Hold a knife to your fucking throat and ask you?
would that be enough effort to show i care about you?

Im scared your having second thoughts about me.
im scared you think i dont love you as much as i really do.
Our conversations are getting awkward and im feeling uneasy because of you.
why cant we talk like before? Like when we first met.
Like we didnt have to care about anything.
How we always had something to talk about.
We never had awkward silences.
But by the looks of it.
It looks like theres going to be a lot of those.
While im lost with my words and figuring out what to say,
You dont want to talk till then.
I HATE THIS FEELING IM FEELING.
Please make it disappear.
Make me disappear.

My eyes tear up as i read hurtful words said by you.
Your pissed at me and dont care a fuck what im going to feel by those words.
As long as you get it off your chest.
those words were never meant to hurt.
The other part of those words were to tell you im glad i finally met you.
IT FUCKING HURT ME TO THINK YOU THINK IM USING YOU FOR THE MONEY.
But if you keep that going, it'll be over honey.
Im writing these things to get it off my chest.
and hey at least i didnt say it to you cause im trying to keep our relationship at its best.




It might sound lamee. but thats just me venting..
Cause i cant vent to aiden about it.
FUCKING HELL.
Im miserable.

♥
Lenny.

HOT DAMN!

Currently Listening To:
We Are The Ocean - The Afterparty
"It's not fancy dress so stop trying to impress all the rest with all your fancy clothes."


So today i got off to a bad start with my parents not getting off my back about everything i do and just being bitches as always.
I got to school and music was fun :)
We had to change the lyrics from a nursery rhyme to lyrics relating to the reggae life..
ahah i had to write the lyrics so here it goes: *clears throat*
"Dance till Daylight
Dance till Daylight
Dominoes
Dominoes
Yeah we like to drink rum
And we like to party
And smoke bong
And smoke bong"

HAHAHHAH. Arent those lyrics brutal or what?? ahha i kid. but yeahhhhhhhh ;]]
Maths.. I totally forgot i had a test and didnt study for it. so im pretty sure i flunked already.
Lunch...
AHHAHHAH. My friends are hilarious. seriously.
So you know those footy tazo collectible cards?
One of them spat on it and dropped it in a puddle of rainwater..
And each year 7 or 8-er walked past and picked it up.
One of them picked it up and almost put it in his pocket.
we were like "I wouldnt do that if i were you! You just ermm gotta wipe it first" ahha.
So he dropped it back..
Then Adam spat on it again and dropped it back in..
ahaha we were busy talking that we totally forgot about it and someone had already picked it up.
Ewwwwww. I feel sorry for that kid that will put his hands in his pocket and realise theres something slimy with the tazo.

Buuuuuuut anyway.
I had basketball for sport today.
Ahah Luke was hilarious.... Luke made boobs out of my scarf.. i just couldnt resist.. But i just kept squeezing them ahhaa. JUST TO MAKE SURE THEY WERE REALL..........
lol I laughed till the point i was on the floor.
he also started to grind against me.. and shake his boobs in my face. ahhaa.
Wowwwww. That momment was unforgettable.
So i got driven home and i just read Rock Sound ;]] Paramores on the front cover :)
Pretty sweet huh? butt yeah :)
YESSSS IM GOING HOME EARLY TOMORROW! aha.
Uhhhh im cooking my school certificate meal tomorrow for food tech.
The chicken shnitzel with lemon chive sauce served with potatoes & beans.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
Its going to be stressfull.
But its gnna be yummy.
Sooo yepppp. How are you all?
I think im just gnna end it here since im all out.

Yeppppppp.
ttyl!
xxxxxxxxxx
Goodbye&Goodnight
♥

Lenny

"I love you more then Romeo loves Juliet"

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO-
Your Way With Words Is Through Silence - A Day To Remember
"It'll be so hard to let you go, it'll be so hard to watch you go"

Today is Tuesday the 3rd of June.

And last night was the 2nd of June. Night of our one month.
And the night i spoke to Oli Sykes from BMTH.
UHHH IM OVER THE MOON ABOUT THAT. But im not because Aiden is upset about losing his wallet and he had no way of getting home from the venue.
Sooo situation was, Aiden was at the gig. After BMTH played, oli was about a few steps away so Aiden met Oli and they spoke, and AIden asked me if i wanted to speak to Oli.. And i said.. okay. And he put Oli on the phone. At first i didnt believe it was him cause oli put on a voice. I was like wtf? Was that Oli? And aidens like yeahh. Ahah so i was like can you put him on the phone this time without that voice? I wanna hear his english accent.
So Aiden put him on.

AND IT WAS OLI!!! LOLLL. ahahhah Okkkk. Dialogue.

Me: Heyyyyyyys!
Oli (In english accent.. UHH *drooools*): Heyys
Me:How are you?
Oli:Yeah im good thanks how are you?
Me:Yeah im good cheers.
Oli:So why weren't you at the show?
Me:Im stuck at home so yeahh sorry!
Oli:Nah its cool, next time then.
Me:Yeah defitnitly!
Oli:Anyway it was nice to talk to you. Catch you next time at a show bye!
Me: Yep sure. It was nice talking to you too. Cya!

Ahaha.. Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhh omg... His accent makes me weak at the knees.
Damnnnnnnnnnnnnn... Yeahh i also spoke to curtis.. Or was it Lee? I cant remember... But yeah i also spoke to one of the guitarists of Prom Queen as wellllll.
So yeah all of that was surreal.



Todays news. Long day at school as we finished 3.10 today.
P.e We were inside the stadium playing bastket ball cause it was raining.
History was just the same as boring shit.
Science.. I fell asleep.
Drama was gooooooooood :)
We worked out our parts for Arts in the dark ;]]]
"ROMEO ROMEO WHERE FOR ART THOU ROMEO??!!"
hehhhee.
Sweeeeeet i remembered it this time. I always mix For and Where up.. sooo yeah.

Soooo yeah that was pretty much my day. borrrrrrrinnnnngggggg i know.
But yeah i lead a boring and uneventful life.
But when something DOES happen. You'll be the first to know.

Anywayyyyyyy OVER + OUT!
I'll write you again soon.
Goodbye+Goodnight.
♥

Lenny.

Relationships sink ships

So 10.31pm. Still 2/5/08.
Just got off the phone with Aiden..
His friend lost his fucking wallet at the BMTH+IKTPQ show at The Den, Castle Hill
Soo that sucks.
And its got money and his id cards and all this shit in it.. and his really frustrated about it..
And we started to talk about the whole thing we were talking about through texting.

This time i cried.
Cause i was right about what i thought he meant.
Me using him for his money.
And that hurt to hear him say it. But i FUCKING DIDNT MEAN IT THAT WAY!
AND I WOULF FUCKING NEVER EVER EVER EVER USE HIM ONLY FOR HIS MONEY. I CANT BELIEVE HE WOULD THINK THAT.
I tried to hide that i was crying.
I just couldnt stop.. It was a good thing he didnt know though.. Cause he couldnt hear over the music.
so i eventually stopped. and i tried to explain by what i meant when i said it. And again, i was lost with my words.
FUCKING HELL.
He said that this topics been on his mind since saturday.
UHHHHHHHH.
IM FUCKING FRUSTRATED.
His doing a bang up job at making me feel guilty. I didnt even meant for it to sound the way it did.

And he vented to his friends Tea and Sarah.. They probably think im a bitch now.
Greattttttttttttttt.
He said he would have vented to me ....and he stopped there but i knew what he was trying to say.. He was trying to say he'd vent to me but i was going to be one of the things he was venting about.
RELATIONSHIPS ARE HARD.
Theyre never simple.
But i want to try and keep it simple. No fucking misunderstandings.
No fucking bullshit.

These blogs seem to be all about Aiden.
And i dont do it on purpose but its just i think about him everyday and his on my mind all the time. And this blog is a day to day thing.
Buuuuut i'll try and reduce all the Aiden talk.

LETS JUST HOPE THINGS GET BETTER.
Gotta call Aiden now.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Goodbye&Goodnight.

♥
Lenny.

One Month ♥

Currently Listening to:
The Veronicas-This Love
"I wont give in, i can't up on this love"
-ON REPEAT...

Today is me and Aiden's one month. Im so glad that i met him. His an amazing guy, and the sweetest out of all.

School was gay like usual. And after school, i went to Elena's to cook our food tech SC shit.
Chicken Shnitzel with Lemon Chive sauce+potatoes+Beans. yummm yumm. :)
Soo yeah that was really nice. and we got a few pointer tips from Elena's mum which was all good.
Ahahhahah. I had the blondest moment ever.
We were getting ready to put the oil in the fry pan. And i poured the 1/4 cups of oil into the.....Wait for it..
THE FRYPAN'S FUCKING LID.AHAHHAHHA. I thought that was the frypan.. It looked so much like it though.. soo yeah we laughed for 5 mins and went back to cooking.

Aiden txted me and said he was in a crappy mood. He was annoyed, angry and pissed off considering as it involves me. And he asked if i really give a fuck?
LIKE WHAT THE HELL! OF COURSE I GIVE A FUCK! and i was so worried. It was all i could think of. i kept thinking to myself, what did i do wrong?
So i texted him back saying whats the matter and that i do care.
He said todays been terrible to the point he was on the verge of punching a cunt in the face and that his pissed off enough to say whats on his mind...
It was all about what i said on the train to the city on saturday night.
I said that i was glad i met him and that im glad im not dating a guy my age, cause theyre all jerks and they can only afford us dinner at maccas. And i said "The Best Things In Life Are Free"

That conversations been on his mind all day and im gueessing thats why his been in a shit mood. He says what if he didnt have money? And what happened to "the best things in life are free" .

Honestly i think he took it the wrong way. I never meant it to sound like i was using him for his money AKA Gold Digger. WHICH I NEVER EVER WOULD. Well thats what i was thinking by what he meant. He just says that the whole thing about guys my age can afford to only go to maccas was shallow.
And yes i agree it was a shallow comment. And im sorry. I should have thought about it before i said it. And yes. Im apologising on the internet.. Im just expressing myself while he off having fun at BMTH+IKTPQ.;[[

When i read his texts back to me. I was really upset my eyes started to tear up. Although i didnt burst out crying.
I was glad Elena was there to hug me though. And i really need a hug right now :(
But he said overcoming obstacles only makes us closer. And that is true.

On the car ride home when dad picked me up. I just wasnt in the mood for talking as i thought about what Aiden said. And my eyes started to tear up again. It was just.... I dunno. Upsetting to know that his upset about something i said.

But overall. It was an eventful One month. Good times and bad.
But like Lisa & Jess sings it
"I wont give in, i can't give up on this love."
*sigh*.. I just wanna breakdown right now.
And Angelica love, You'll be alright. Your strong. Your amazing. Id turn gay for you just to make Paz jealous, and show him what he COULD have had.
I love you babe.
Just dont give up on love yeah? There will always be that one guy that will prove to you that guys arent all the same. Make sense?

Anyways thats my thoughts for the day.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thanks for listening to me vent and get things off my chest and mind.
Goodbye&Goodnight.

♥

Lenny.

Where words fail, Music Speaks

Aiden texted me and quoted me lyrics from this song thats highlighted. It's called "If All Else Fails" by Matchbook Romance.
I read it and begun to cry but smile at the same time.
I love you so much Aiden.
♥


A subdued silence undisturbed by the sound of her breath.
So carefully, brush her hair back from her eyes
In steady sequence, one by one.
She slips away.

So close your eyes and sleep to dream.
I'm by your side.
No words to speak.
We'll set our course and make it through.
No matter how far I go my heart remains with you.

And I'm not sure what I'm looking for.
But it's clear to see the purpose of my exsistance Is laying here in front of me.

So close your eyes and sleep to dream.
I'm by your side.
No words to speak.
We'll set our course and make it through.
No matter how far I go

"And if all else fails you can look up at the sky
Because it's the same one that shines above you and I.
And if all else fails you can close your eyes
And I'll be right beside you.
I'll be the one by your side."

So close your eyes and sleep to dream.
I'm by your side.
No words to speak.
We'll set our course and make it through.
No matter how far I go
No matter how much this hurts
I wanted you to know,
My heart remains with you.

Rainy Days

Currently Listening to:
Iris-GooGoo Dolls
"When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, You bleed just to know you're alive"



So today was a relaxing day at home.
I dunno why but im sore all over. ahha. :/ Woke up around 12.30 and stayed in bed being lazy and just txting Aiden.
I mostly spent my day on the comp. Then i looked up chords to Iris by GooGoo Dolls to play on guitar. Im deciding to play this song as one of my music choices for the School Certificate for music.
Soooo people, I NEED SUGGESTIONS!!!
Songs has to include Piano/Guitar. ;]]]]
It will help heaps. :) Thanks.



anyways.
I just want to say, Michael Paz.
I thought you were cool. Except you went and hurt my friends. I trusted you to take care of my best friend.
Oh and remember the speech i gave you on how if you ever hurted Angelica? i'll hunt you down and rip your heart out and give it to Angelica for her to stamp on? You better watch your back now dude. Cause you've stamped on hers.

So on a better note..... Me and Aiden's one month is tomorrow. ;]] ♥
Its gnna suck cause we cant see eachother tomorrow either. But saturday should be good ;]]
anywayyyyyyyyyyyy.
Its the first day of winter! Omfg.
hehe its good to finally see winter again ;]] ive been expecting you. lol
But chyeahhhhh.

im gnna go and play guitar.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Goodbye&Goodnight
♥

Lenny